Why playing hard to get works

But humans have a thing about winning. So even though someone may not like you that much, they may want to still prove they can have you, because they've been chasing you for so long. In these cases, by playing hard to get, you could be fuelling someone's desire to win.

As soon as they "get" you, they'll soon realise they didn't like you that much to begin with, and you're back where you started. Hatfield, the American psychologist who conducted the s dating experiments, looked into what a better method of attracting someone could be, for those of us who can't get the balance right with showing interest.

In a final experiment , researchers told men they had matched with five women's profiles, all fake for the purpose of the experiment, who had attended a session where they had filled out forms about what they thought of the men they'd matched with.

The men were shown the fake women's answers. One woman gave all her matches low ratings, one rated them all highly, and a third was selective, rating all the other men poorly except the test subject who was given a very good score. The men then had to rate the women in return, and the consensus was the woman who rated them highly but everyone else poorly was the most desirable.

So it looks like the answer is to be selective, but not excessively. You're not dismissing every option that comes your way, but you're not giving everyone a chance either. By doing this, you make whoever you do go for feel special, because you obviously have standards. But that doesn't mean being so distant that it gets mistaken for the cold-shoulder.

On the other hand, if you find someone being unresponsive, Ettin said you shouldn't assume they are playing it cool with you.

Instead, you should take it for what it is — a lack of proper communication, or simple rudeness. Don't bother chasing them, because if they really liked you in the first place, they'll stop with the games and come back to you.

For you. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. Click here to learn more. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation. Good Subscriber Account active since Shortcuts. They were told the computer had matched them and that three of the women had already seen and rated their own details and those of four other rival suitors. This was all a ruse, however, to set up a series of experimental conditions related to how hard to get each of the women appeared to be.

One woman was far and away more popular than the others, and it had nothing to do with the small variations in their descriptions:. The woman who was apparently selectively playing hard to get, i.

Not only that but men thought the selectively hard to get woman would have all the advantages of the easy to get woman with none of the drawbacks of the hard to get woman. But, a subsequent study on speed-dating has also found that showing selective interest is the best strategy Eastwick et al.

So, this experiment suggests that playing hard to get only works in the sense that it signals selectivity. Because you were already interested. Economics will teach you that people will always invest more in items that are more rare than in the ones that are overabundant.

Sad but true! It makes your life seem interesting. More flirting means more dopamine. Dopamine feels good, and we seek it out all the time. It appeals to the thrill seekers. People who are naturally more interested in taking risks and seeking out adventure are going to be drawn to the hard to get game every time.

It can just be fun. Youw immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here …. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes.